Moral Relativism

Chastity is sexual behavior of a man or woman that is acceptable to the moral standards and guidelines of their culture, civilization or religion. In the Western world, the term has become closely associated (and is often used interchangeably) with sexual abstinence, especially before marriage (1).

I don’t have a problem with chastity conceptually. I believe that people who willingly explore their own needs and desires and relationship to sex, love, fidelity, marriage, and what have you, that choosing to be chaste as defined above is fine. I do, however, have aproblem with chastity as defined by moral standards.

When I say “moral standards” what I mean is Moral Relativism. Moral relativism is the idea that our notion of right and wrong stems from our surrounding society. Americans think it is wrong for women to be topless (generally). The French do not (generally). The act itself does not contain rightness or wrongness, that attribution comes from outside. Moral relativism is the default state, that you will take society’s standards of right and wrong behavior as your own when unexamined.

“History is written by the victors.” - Winston Churchill

Not only do the winners write the history books but they craft the vision of themselves after victory. The dominant culture which continues on to rebuild society? The winners? They define morality. Ideals like chastity are founded on a Puritanical dogma that teaches original sin as the root of all human suffering. In effect, women cannot be trusted and should be controlled because their lack of subservience to god and Adam got humankind cast out of paradise. This is where Franklin built his list of morals.

The dominant culture defines your morals. Franklin was at least trying to be aware of what unchaste behavior could do to a person’s status in society. In his Advice on taking a Mistress he acknowledges that take someone’s virginity could cause undue harm to their reputation. This makes him more progressive than your average person at the time for sure but he still held that the import of chastity resided in the perceived impropriety of society. This is still a moral relativism (2).

When you begin a project as nebulous as “moral perfection” it makes sense that you start from somewhere. Franklin started with what he saw in society. I started with his morals. It seems like, after exploring these morals, it requires some additional examination to understand better and I’ve been struggling find that re-examination. Franklin’s subsequent writing didn’t really show he did much more than draw black marks on his tablets for years. He never looked at his set of morals and asked, “Are these right for me?”

1. From wikipedia, accessed on March 21st, 2015. http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chastity ↩︎

2. Moral relativism is the default state, the place where we have to begin when trying to understand ourselves. It wasn’t until I got to chastity that I recognized how differently I approach some of the morals Franklin chose. And, really, I think he had a problem with some of them as well but didn’t, it seems, consider it much further.↩︎

How Not to Chastity

If you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones.

• Benjamin Franklin, Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress

The Letter, or maybe treatise, “Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress” is regarded as one of Franklin’s more humorous writings. Ostensibly written to a friend, Cadwallader Colden, it details the benefits of taking an older woman as a mistress over a younger woman. Among the 8 reasons, this one is my favorite (1):

Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.

This is wish fulfillment on Franklin’s part. By his own decree, Chastity is about sex only for health and procreation. A post-menopausal woman means sex without consequences. I find that kind of an interesting way around his own edicts towards betterment.

In a grander sense, creating for yourself standards and rules that don’t jive with who you are seems a silly exercise. Partly because it becomes increasingly unlikely that you’ll achieve your goals - flailing into the ether, consciously or unconsciously, against your own desires. Mostly because doing so is no way to increase one’s happiness, let alone one’s moral perfection (3).

It’s possible, written at the age of 40, Franklin had abandoned his project and this was fatherly advice to a friend, something he certainly doled out… religiously to his friends. And in tis advice, in fact, intimating that sleeping with an older mistress “Because the Sin is less” than debauching a virgin for the way that ruined young girl’s lives.

In that nugget, at least, some acknowledgement of the sexist nature of virginity as a commodity but the letter otherwise, while praising some traits of an older woman, undercuts most of said praise with what amounts to a collegiate boy tittering about an ill-reputed conquest. “…regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one” this positive comparison achieved after “covering all above [the oder woman]with a Basket.”

I fear this sort of objectification and commoditization was normal and that Franklin acknowledging the good of older women would be considered the radical thinking. In that, there’s is some benefit, even of you have to throw out the rest.

This is to say that Chastity or Chasteness stems from a deeply religious and oft blatantly sexist religious roots. A woman is expected to remain chaste and pure for her future husband where men have no such compunction. And any trysts result in the besmirching of the lady’s honor and a light swat of the man who effectively ruined the girl’s life. Sex is not so powerful nor should it be something considered so much more sacred than the life to which you attach virginity.

All of this is to say that denying ourselves - either Franklin pantomiming chasteness or society championing Puritanical denial of pretty much anything fun - is a quick way to unhappiness. If we believe that all human pursuits are intended to bring us some sort of happiness - either in tis life or another ever after in accordance with your beliefs - then acting so thoroughly against understanding ourselves can only result in broken promises.

1. When we’re talking about Chastity. Much of the letter is a little… sexist. Maybe good natured sexism, like respectful sexism (2)?↩︎

2. This is not a thing. I’m not being serious. The letter is sexist.↩︎

3. The latter being the stated goal for Franklin’s project which was likely an indirect way of getting to the former.↩︎

Chastity

Rarely use Venery but for Health or Offspring; Never to Dulness, Weakness, or the Injury of your own or another’s Peace or Reputation.

This is probably going to be far less salacious than you want it to be.

Franklin has a reputation as a womanizer and lech. He, famously, sired an illegitimate son some time around 1730 while working in Philadelphia before he married is wife, Deborah. Speculation abounds as to who the moth is but no conclusive evidence exists. Two leading theories are that his mother was a maid Franklin employed or that he and Deborah conceived out of wedlock.

Really, aside from this, there’s little evidence that Franklin had anything but numerous love affairs with many women over his life. And love is not sex. I believe that Franklin was very likely sexually monogamous with his wife, Deborah, while still freely loving and flirting all the women he famously had “affairs” with (1).

And I think this is an important distinction - love versus sex. Chastity as a virtue, classically part of the pantheon of cardinal virtues and placed diametrically opposed to lust, regards sex and sexual expression within the bounds of marriage. Chaste love, according to most Catholic traditions, includes sex within marriage. Roman Catholic traditions further clarify chaste love as love for procreation, that without contraception. The LDS Church (2) takes it a little further to include any non-procreative sexual activity and deems masturbation and sexually provocative thoughts as unchaste.

At no point do these views consider love a part of chastity. Or marriage, really. Love is much less important, historically, than sexual fidelity as marriages were often unions of convenience or wealth. Doweries (3) were exchanged and statuses were upgraded and love may not have entered much into it. So, let us set aside love in discussions of chastity.

Franklin’s definition for Chastity only mentions “venery” which is defined as “sexual indulgence.” He suggests not having any sexual relation that is not healthy. Which is delightfully vague - what is a “healthy” amount of sex? Your sexual appetite is likely different than mine which is likely different from your neighbor which is likely different from Franklin’s own appetite. So are we saying that sex is only so useful insofar as it keeps us… fit (4)? Happy? Googly-eyed over our partner?

I think it is a legitimate concern if you’re having so much sex that it leads to “Dulness, Weakness, or the Injury of your own or another’s Peace or Reputation.” The former requiring, likely, quite a bit of sex unless you’re older (5) or really unfit or you’re doing all the work (6). And I think it’s more a function of American society that sex, of any quantity, can harm your reputation.

Oh? You’re good at and enjoy sex? How dare you, sir, do something that is normal (7)!

Ok, so given colonial society constructs, Puritan views on sexual misconduct (8), I can similarly understand the desire to avoid impinging on other’s reputation.

I guess, for myself, I will take Franklin’s view on it.

1. Sex not to excess that exhausts your abilities or faculties.
2. Do not engage in sex that will harm another’s reputation.

Considering that I just got married, I think I can probably only ruin my own reputation at this point but, I guess it’s good to have goals?

1. The most famous is with Catherine May Greene, previously mentioned when discussing Sincerity. ↩︎
   
   
2. Mormons have a the “Laws of Chastity” which are much more prohibative and, really, much harder to enforce.↩︎
   
   
3. I give you two sheep for a wife?↩︎
   
   
4. According to Men’s Health magazine the average sexual act - from foreplay to climax - last 25 minutes and burns about 100 calories. 30 Minutes of treadmill running at average pace (10 minute miles) burns about 276 calories. A typical fast food hamburger, without cheese and condiments, is about 300 calories. So… your nooner has to last past the normal lunch break to account for the lunch you’re not eating…↩︎
   
   
5. Lord knows my back could be stronger and there’s a lot of wrestling involved. Usually. Hopefully.↩︎
   
   
6. Good on you. But if it bugs you, you should talk to your partner. Or buy a copy of the Sock Monkey Kama Sutra (affiliate link)↩︎
   
   
7. My bias may be showing.↩︎
   
   
8. Puritan laws n sexual deviance were pretty impressive. Many forms of sex considered “unclean” were punishable by death - sodomny, bestiality, rape, some adultery. More Colonial sexual conduct laws.↩︎

Tranquility

Be not disturbed at Trifles, or at Accidents common or unavoidable.

Tranquility is the lost art of mindlessness, if detachment, of letting going of petty things that keep us from being fully engaged in the world around us. I don’t expect Franklin was getting so deep on the alternative philosophy, American’s we’re so familiar with non-oxidental ways of worship, but the basic precept from tranquility has existing in nearly all social, religious, or political creeds for as long as recorded time has existed.

The first definition of the concept comes from, of course, the Greeks. Epicurus defined the state of “tranquility” - which he envisioned as the perfect state humans could acquire - as the state of tranquility from…

“…eschewing faith in an afterlife, not fearing the gods because they are distant and unconcerned with us, avoiding politics and vexatious people, surrounding oneself with trustworthy and affectionate friends and being an affectionate, virtuous person, worthy of trust.” (1)

I expect the “avoiding politics and vexatious people” portion of the statement was more up Franklin’s alley. In most of his published works, the word “tranquility” was used in conjunction with some statement against war or political uprising. In his political career, Franklin was a mediator intending to reach compromise between constantly arguing factions - it’s the primary reason he was sent to Britain before the revolutionary war.

The benefit of political calm is obvious - when there is stability between factions, there is prosperity and eace. It’s easier for a society to prosper. For Franklin, this would mean greater opportunity for economic and scientific growth. Personal calm didn’t seem to be that great a deal for him in his communications at least. At best, re discuss retirement as a way to remove himself from public affairs in letters to friends abroad, “I too am taking the proper Measures for obtaining Leisure to enjoy Life and my Friends more than heretofore…” (2) Though later in a letter to the same friend, “but I find the more I seek for leisure and retirement from business, the more I am engaged in it.” (3)

I imagine it is, in part, his own desire to stay popular - he enjoyed fame, especially abroad - but it doesn’t lend one to inner peace. Still, the idea hat one should not be annoyed at accidents even if they are setbacks is good advice and likely of the sort Franklin would follow. In business, especially in a printing press, rolling with the machinery and employees is a good idea. no sense in getting angry printing dozens of pages with a single letter backwards.

Fix it and get back to work.

For myself this week, maintaining calm, especially at work, over accidents or slights, is a good goal. People often have genuinely good intentions, and as in previous discussions (4) I prefer to assure people are predisposed to acting in a genuine fashion, and they just make mistakes.

So:

1. Be not disturbed by trifles.

Similarly, it’s impossible to forever control anger as emotions run powerful in most people. If I find myself angry, step back from it to get perspective.

2. Step away from upset when realized. (Enhance your calm, John Spartan!)

And as ever with a word of encouragement, remember Poor Richard:

Anger is never without a Reason, but seldom with a good One.

1. Ataraxia on wikipedia.↩︎

2. Letter to Caldwallader Colden, 6/5 1747.↩︎

3. Letter to Caldwallader Colden, 9/28 1748.↩︎

4. Sincerity.↩︎

Finite

Lost Time is lost Subsistence; it is therefore lost Treasure.
- Benjamin Franklin in a contribution to a pamphlet on the Principles of Trade.

The Inbetweener 2010.23

This week was a lesson in moderation and industry (and cleanliness, a little).

I’m writing this between bouts of working remotely. I’ve had an Industrious week. I have a review for a team member over due 4 days (now submitted for review review) and another due at the end of the month. There’s a big deadline at the 26th and we moved the two largest projects for one of my applications in to QA last week. Which is about normal. But a poorly written red flag caused me to put everything aside and shore up a gap analysis other applications have been lagging on so that hen said flag goes to the executives, it isn’t patently false.

So. I’t’s been a busy week. A number of these tasks are the sorts of things that drive me. I enjoy writing a good review, I really enjoy big projects. I enjoy meta-analysis of results from company-wide initiatives.

When I have the time.

When I have to time to fully engage.

This week was an exercise in lost moderation. Too much industry sucks time and energy and what gets me, thinking about tis in context of the type of work that Franklin did, is that there is little direct gain for my efforts. In fact, I ended the day with someone questioning my judgment in an inappropriate way. Franklin, working as a printer, has direct result to show for extra labor. More set type, more printed pages, more bound books, more things to put out into the world.

When you put in extra time in industry, where the output isn’t tangible, that puts extra strain on you. Coming home un-energetic, I did not pic up a broom or (remember) to grab the laundry. I realized this morning that, instead of getting the laundry, I resorted to bachelor tendencies of clothing reuse. Meaning: ew, filthy habits. I feel like I need some sort of percentage graph to indicate how these things go.

But it’s not mathematical. I’ve had weeks with similar hours, where I was in my office, logging in at night, where I left jazzed about it. It’s the days where I can point to a things and say, ’Here. Right here is a result. This project is better because I was involved.

I don’t feel that, at least not this week, doing analysis, fixing things others broke. The digital economy lacks the tangible results of extra time spent. And when you have no physical goods to hold in your hand, it’s hard to see where that extra time goes. It’s hard to see why I do what I do with weeks like this.

Moderation acts like an overfill channel which redirects efforts from on thing overflowing into other reserves. It keeps you able to other things.

Like change your shirt.

Justice and Moderation Grids

Lookie here, grids!

  <img src="_Justice.jpgJustice" alt="">

Friday was the day Alyska and I got married and we went to our favorite bar and the bartender was very very nice.

  <img src="_Moderation.jpgModeration" alt="">